This is hard for me to open up about. I feel so strange typing these words and my feelings, knowing that someone out there will read this. However, strange as it might feel, I can’t sit quietly in my grief and not share what I am feeling. I found comfort in reading blog posts written by random strangers, when I was deep diving all of my questions into the rabbit hole of Google… and I hope that someone might also find comfort in my words too. To know that you are not alone. That this pain you are experiencing will not pass quickly or easily; instead, it will remain intact. A part of who you are. The only thing that’s changed is your ability to carry the weight of the grief. Sooner or later it won’t feel as if the world is crashing down around you. And when that happens, you’ll feel sadness all over again. I feel guilty for moving on with my emotions, but I know that this is a healthy step forward.
On August 3rd, I found out that I was pregnant… and one month later, I found out that my little baby had stopped growing at around 7 weeks and my body was going through a missed miscarriage. August was one of the most beautiful months, because I was so happy at the thought of growing a sweet angel inside of me. But on September 2nd, I found out that my pregnancy wouldn’t be a part of my life just yet… the last few weeks have been incredibly difficult emotionally and physically. The last few days I’ve been feeling more “normal”, but then I become sad because it feels wrong to move on.
My angel baby will forever be in my heart. I know that time will heal the pain I’m experiencing.. and I hope and pray to one day carry a healthy baby. Until then, I wanted to share what’s been heavy on my heart. And if anyone has actually read this far and if you or a loved one has ever experienced a miscarriage, you are not alone. <3
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